Hello
by Kdibs227
Summary: Terra's hoping to move on from the sins of her past...too bad everyone else isn't keen to forgive and forget.


Author's Note: Ok, first one-shot of the year. The stuff surrounding Terra has always bugged me, mostly because I don't think any of them would have truly forgiven her. Plus, I like the idea of Terra still having her memories. So, read and review and let me know what you think!

* * *

 _Hello, it's me  
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet  
To go over everything  
They say that time's supposed to heal ya  
But I ain't done much healing  
Hello, can you hear me  
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be  
When we were younger and free  
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet_

It was hard not to hear about the Titans where she lived. There was always some criminal being put away, or some villain trying to destroy the city. Terra tried to valiantly to ignore it. She didn't watch the news in her rundown apartment. She didn't buy a newspaper with money she didn't have. She most certainly didn't engage in talked about them with her friends. It was painful enough to pretend she didn't know who they were. Her cover story was that she already lived in a city with superheroes; the effect had been lost on her. It wasn't untrue. Terra had gotten used to lying at a young age. Now it was just a built in defense. But, defenses are only as strong as you make them, and hers were falling apart. They had been ever since Beast Boy found her. Ever since she had lied to him. Turning her back on him a second time had been harder than leaving the titans or working with Slade. For once, this was a person who didn't want anything of her. He just wanted her to be happy. How had she repaid that? By breaking him, again and again. Only, now he didn't look so broken. In the pictures he was smiling. In the talks he was laughing. But, that was only skin deep. A lot of things happen when you aren't looking anymore.

 _There's such a difference between us  
And a million miles_

He was taller. And stronger. His smile seemed more real now; she had easily picked up on which smiles were fake within the first week of becoming friends. She hadn't changed much. Slightly taller, hair cut shorter, bright smile was how she came off to people now. She didn't joke as much as she usually did, but she was trying to forget the memories of what she had done. Being stuck in stone can give a person a lot of time to think. Time had never been kind to her. She hadn't seen how good she had it with the Titans. She didn't see what a mistake she had been making siding with Slade, the most public figure who always tried to destroy the team. Not just stop them from ending crime, but kill them. And, god, she had almost done that. To the one person who had always tried to see the best in her. No wonder she tried to fix her mistake. If she had killed Beast Boy, she wouldn't be standing. Raven would have ripped her limb to limb. If there was a choice, between her or him, they would pick him.

 _Hello from the other side  
I must have called a thousand times  
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done  
But when I call you never seem to be home  
Hello from the outside  
At least I can say that I've tried_

 _To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart  
But it don't matter it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore_

The amount of times she had wanted to call. The amount of times she wanted to walk up to one of them in public and tell them everything. About how she woke up in the dark, alone, wondering how she just went from being stone to a girl with shreds for clothing. About how she spent two whole days climbing out of the caverns and how the scars still didn't heal. She bears them as a sign of penitence, but it'll never be enough. Nothing will even been enough to say how sorry she was; for breaking their trust, for breaking his heart. The worst was the half remembered dreams and the lucid daydreams in class. Ones where she's laughing with them and enjoying being accepted for once by other people. But she was back among the living, and she couldn't go back to the reality she was so close to having. The Titans had been forced to move, and Terra had become nothing but a statue in a cavern. Well, not entirely. Beast Boy had visited, but then that had stopped too. Life had made them keep up or get caught up in the riptide of the past. So, Terra had been forced to move her own life along. She couldn't keep dreaming of what could have been, even if she still feel back into the wonderings of 'what if'.

 _Hello, how are you  
It's so typical of me to talk about myself I'm sorry  
I hope that you're well  
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened_

She got selfish some days. She wondered if they ever missed her. Probably not. She had seen the old papers after the mess she had created was finished. The tabloids called her all sorts of awful things. It had been swept away, after a few weeks, but the Titans had gotten the brunt of it for allowing such a person to get into an inner circle of crime defenders. So, for a year after she got free of her stone prison, she didn't have to look at them. There was a war or something happening. She didn't bother to look. What mattered at that point was that she had a shot of blending into the background and disappearing. She had dyed her hair at first, but then it got old. Money was hard to come by, and those things cost money she didn't yet have. She still didn't have enough, but she managed. She took odd jobs and kept her head down low. Mistakes are good teachers.

 _It's no secret that the both of us  
Are running out of time_

She wanted to talk to them. She wanted to express how sorry she was, how much she missed them, how she wished she had simply said something about what she was doing with Slade. But at the same time, she wondered if she would have gone through with it. Past Terra had wanted control; she got it, but it came at a steep price in the fine print. Present day Terra had control, no powers, and nothing to show for it. She was sixteen now, and every second brought her farther and farther away from any sort of meeting. The Titans had been gone for a year, who could say when she would get a chance again. So, with the clock ticking, she began to fortify herself for a meeting. She decided she couldn't simply show up at the tower. For once, she didn't have the way to get there, and second, the security over there had to have upgraded since she came along. Walking in the city hoping for an encounter seemed like a good plan. She spent weeks waiting for an opportunity. It came to her in the middle of March, when the skies seemed to have no issue raining for several days, and she was stuck huddling under an overhead near a park. The person she hoped to run into wasn't the one she found, but then again, she had stopped trying to get fate to give her a break. Cyborg and Robin didn't seem any different. Just taller if she had to name something. They were laughing about something, but the chatter was overshadowed by the rain hitting the metal roof. Terra wanted to run away, but she forced herself to stay put.

 _So hello from the other side  
I must have called a thousand times  
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done  
But when I call you never seem to be home  
Hello from the outside  
At least I can say that I've tried  
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart  
But it don't matter it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore_

She'd waited so long for this chance. Granted, it wasn't with the person she wanted it to be with, but she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She had lied when she told Beast Boy she didn't remember; but the time for lies was over. If she was ever going to move past this, she needed to face it head-on. No more running for this runaway. She had basically proved that when she stayed in Jump City after she got freed. She sat, hunched on a park bench, trying to figure out the best way to approach them. Just jumping out and saying hello probably wouldn't work. Cyborg might blast her. She looked back over at them. The boys were leaning against the wall, but they hadn't taken notice of her just yet. Heart pounding, Terra tried to think of a way to talk to them. What would she even say?

Sorry, for breaking your trust?

Sorry, for leaving you all to die?

Sorry, for almost killing someone you care about?

Sorry, there can't be any proper apologizes made. There will never be a good way to repair the damage, but here she was, trying.

It was like trying to fix a broken wall with duct tape. Seemed like a good idea, but everything would fall apart anyway. She wondered if anyone even bothered to check on her within the caves.

 _[x4:]_ _  
(Highs highs highs highs  
Lows lows lows lows)  
Anymore_

But none of that mattered anymore. She needed to fix this. Once she did, she could be free. She could get on a bus or train and leave. Go to some far off city where they didn't know about a girl with blonde hair who used to control the rocks on the ground they walked on. She could finally feel happy without feeling guilty. She wanted that so badly, but until she cleared this obstacle, she was stuck. She swallowed, her mouth going dry, and took a deep breath. Slowly she released her grip from the bench she was on and sat up. The two boys weren't talking anymore, but Terra was willing to bet they might have a lot to say in a few moments.

Her heart was pounding, and she felt like she was going to throw up, and wouldn't that just be great? In addition to telling her former team that she was alive she might vomit all over their shoes. She could sense that Raven was laughing somewhere at her. Ignoring the physical symptoms that indicated that she might combust at any second, Terra stood up.

She tried to stall time, she fixed her jacket and fiddled with the loose hair band on her wrist. Finally, she couldn't wait any longer. They might leave at any moment. She started to walk over to them. Cyborg was looking out at the rain and Robin was on his communicator. She cleared her throat. Both head swiveled to look at her.

Heart hammering, she opened her mouth.

"H-hi," She squeaked out. Cyborg frowned.

"Everything ok?" Cyborg asked. God, he had the same big brother personality still. That fact made her stomach clench. But she plowed on. She had to.

"I have a lot to tell you," Terra said. Robin pocketed his communicator and frowned. She could feel his eyes studying her face behind his mask. His frown disappeared and he took a step back. Cyborg stared at her, then his teammate.

"No way," Robin whispered. Terra rubbed her arm.

"I know that it seems impossible, but, please, let me explain. It's the least I can do," Terra said as she looked back up at them. Robin seemed to be torn between asking her something and reaching for his communicator.

Cyborg seemed even worse. He stared her down with scorn. Was she about to be carted away in handcuffs? Punched, yelled at, or worse, ignored. She was willing to bet they hadn't forgotten what she had done. Cyborg raised a shaking hand and pointed it at her.

"You're supposed to be dead," Cyborg spit out. Terra brushed her hair back.

"Surprise," Terra tried to joke. It fell flat; she had never been the funny one. She'd always been the one to laugh at the jokes. Cyborg swallowed and took a deep breath. Robin still wasn't saying anything, but he wasn't about to arrest her yet either. But, only for now.

"What the hell are you even doing here?" Robin finally asked. Terra swallowed. Now that she had their attention, her mouth was dry and the words felt stuck in her throat.

"I…I need to move on," Terra started, and she slowly gained speed. "And I know I can't do that without talking to you. All of you. Believe me, I've tried to leave. But, I can't, there's too much here that I need to explain and if I leave now, it's always going to haunt me. So, just let me spew my guts to you, and then I can disappear."

 _Hello from the other side (other side)  
I must have called a thousand times (thousand times)  
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done  
But when I call you never seem to be home  
Hello from the outside (outside)  
At least I can say that I've tried (I've tried)  
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart  
But it don't matter. It clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore_

They found a hole in the wall coffee shop. Robin stared into his cup like it had all the answers; Cyborg stared at the wall. Terra tried to start.

"Isn't the part where you grill me answers?" Terra asked. She took a sip of her hot chocolate, she hadn't been able to touch tea, but it tasted like ash in her mouth.

"Kinda hard to ask for answers when you don't have the questions," Cyborg said. Robin pushed away his beverage.

"We should start with the obvious. How are you even here?" Robin asked. Terra frowned; she would have figured that her stone body being gone would be reason enough.

"You didn't believe him, did you?" Terra asked softly. She could hear the unspoken answer: Terra had warped him before, it would only be plausible that he could be going crazy. Robin gave her a small, sad smile.

"We did, we just hoped he would stop looking. After you…it was hard, Terra. It was easier for us to tell him to stop looking than saying to go after you."

Terra wondered if he had said she had told him to stop looking. Now, here she was, talking to his friends after hunting them down.

"I don't know how it happened. One moment I was…stuck, the next I was on the ground. I couldn't tell you what changed," Terra continued.

"This doesn't change anything, you know? We can't take you back to the tower or let you join the team again," Robin said. She knew that; the trials after the city got back on its feet from the chaos she and Slade had rained down on them had left little sympathies to her name. Plus, she wasn't sure she could ever go back to the friendships she had before. Even Beast Boy wouldn't trust her like before.

"So will you be telling the others about this?" Terra asked. Cyborg drummed his fingers on the table.

"We might," Robin didn't sound like he was issuing a threat, but then again, Terra wasn't about to put up a fight. After everything that had happened, Robin could say he would shout about their meeting from the rooftops and she would let him. Cyborg crossed his arms and exhaled.

"So, now what? Is this all you wanted? To meet with us and get some sort of closure?" Cyborg's gaze was piercing and Terra couldn't hide from it. She had no doubt that he still harbored feelings towards her about what she had done to his best friend. He trusted her, and she broke it.

"I needed you to know that I'm sorry," Her voice broke. She was glad there was hardly anyone in the shop; she didn't need the added attention. Robin pushed his drink away. The look on his face wasn't comforting.

"We can't say your name in the tower anymore. Starfire couldn't stop crying for weeks after it happened, and Raven was furious. Beast Boy still flinches when he hears your name. You might say you're sorry, but it won't help. So, just do us a favor, and move on. Because," Robin swallowed and flexed his hands, "That's all we've been trying do since you…died."

"I think we should go," Cyborg didn't seem sorry about that. Robin put a few bills on the table and got up. Terra tried to fight back the sting in her eyes.

"So, this is it then?" Terra didn't bother with pleading them to stay. Cyborg pushed his chair back in.

"We've been trying to move past this for a while, Terra. If you really want to say you're sorry, then just let us. Don't seek us out anymore," Cyborg said. "We aren't going to tell the others. They don't need to deal with this situation again."

"Take care of yourself. Goodbye, Terra," Robin's voice didn't hold the same warmth she remembered. Without glancing back, the two walked out of the shop…and out of her life for good.

Terra knew that she wouldn't be seeing them again. Perhaps in newspapers or on the television, but never face to face, and never in the same way. When she had sided with Slade, she had given up her chance at ever being happy with the Titans. As she paid for her drink, Terra tried to ignore the tightness in her throat.

As she walked out into the sun, she didn't feel warm. Instead, she walked to the nearest bus station and purchased a ticket.

The goodbye had been the key to release her chains, but Terra didn't feel free. She still felt like the girl standing in the collapsing cave, no more sure of her place in the world. And, without the Titans, she had nothing holding her here.

Taking one last look at her old city, Terra walked away and didn't look around for any superheroes. She hadn't been one for a long time, and the ones she did believe in had stopped believing in her.


End file.
